So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
