It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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