I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
