We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
please don't ironically join a cult
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