GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
