At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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