So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
