Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
