I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you never un-have a 4some
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
