I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
