and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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