My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
