If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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