I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
