Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
