Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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