i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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