When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
