Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
