if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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