I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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