OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
