i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
