He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
