im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
