I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
