some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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