theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
