I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
