I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
