well I can't set my house on fire every night
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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