So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
