It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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