onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
