Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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