If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
