i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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