If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
