There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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