this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
