drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
