id be glad to
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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