I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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