She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
