I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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