I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
