my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
