I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
