Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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