dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
