My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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