Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
