she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
